The Camdens and their Many Friends
by Funny Hat US
Summary: A sequel to "A very serious 7th Heaven Story, Not to be Mocked"


In which the Camdens discover many people living in their house, who are not related to them.  
  
Scene: Camden Living Room. Seated are Cecelia, Robbie, and Roxanne.  
  
[Enter Reverend Camden]  
  
Reverend: Umm, I'm confused, ahhh, what are you all doing here? Was the door left open?  
  
Cecelia: No, I took a key with me last time I was here indulging my unhealthy fixation with this family.  
  
Reverend: Ahhhh, ok? I'm going to stand here and look a bit confused by this whole situation for a while, until my wife comes home at which time I will hide from her in the basement. Do I smell something burning?  
  
Cecelia: My muffins! I left them in the oven too long. Oh, I'm making dinner tonight, is that all right? Then later I thought I'd put your twins to bed, despite the fact that I have no earthly reason to do that.  
  
Reverend: Umm, ok? I guess?  
  
[Exit Cecelia]  
  
Reverend: Robbie? Why are you here? I thought you had moved to another state for no reason?  
  
Robbie: I am back because I haven't tried to marry any members of your family in the last few weeks and I was getting lonely but then I came here and met Roxanne and we're getting married in a few days even though we just met but I still haven't learned to modulate my voice.  
  
Reverend: Ahhh, well? I thought you were marrying Joy?  
  
Roxanne: It's ok Reverend Camden. I'm marrying him, and no you can't stop us. We've known each other for 15 minutes and haven't married yet, which is a record for this show. Robbie loves me because I'm a cop and I do what cops do, like spying on my partner's spouse, eating dinner at my partner's family's house, having fights with my boyfriend while on duty, chasing Simon on a slow speed chase on the local highway, and checking the criminal records of the parents of my partner's sister's friends' parents.  
  
Reverend: What you just described is what doctors are supposed to do!  
  
Roxanne: Yeah, I guess they can too. Both doctors and cops tend to be very flakey, you know. Except Detective Michaels, although we don't let him out of the police station any more.  
  
[Enter Mrs. Camden]  
  
Mrs. Camden: Hi everybody! Isn't the sky blue and wonderful? Am I not the embodiment of pure joy?  
  
Reverend: I'm glad to see you're having one of your "good" days.  
  
Mrs. Camden: Ha ha! Fooled you! I'm actually in one of my irrationally jealous and vindictive moods. Now get into the kitchen before I accuse you of lying to me about the fact that you were spying on one of our parisoners!  
  
Reverend: But I haven't been spying on any of the parishioners? And what do you mean "our"?  
  
Mrs. Camden: Braaaaaawwwwww [fire exits mouth]  
  
Reverend: ok, ok, I'm leaving.  
  
[exit Reverend Camden]  
  
[Enter Happy, the dog]  
  
Happy: May I just say that after nearly 8 years with this family, I want to go back to the pound? Also, the writer of this particular satire has the email FunnyHatUS@yahoo.com  
  
Mrs. Camden: No you may not! Didn't you know that people have complained that the email of the author of this little thing has plugged the email address too much? Would you like some cookies? You know I love you very much, Happy.  
  
Happy: Back to your "nice" self, I see.  
  
Mrs. Camden: Of course!  
  
Happy: I don't care, I'm leaving this scene before you flip out again and decide to serve me to your family as dinner  
  
[Exit Happy, the dog]  
  
Roxanne: Well, I'm sorry Mrs. Camden but I have to go. We've been having a problem with crime in the city. Basketball gymnasium vandalism, ya know.  
  
Mrs. Camden: I'm sorry, Roxanne, but I just can't let you do that. Not while you're our responsibility.  
  
Roxanne: Um, what? I'm not one of your kids you know.  
  
Mrs. Camden: I know but I know that your mother wouldn't want me to let you do that. I don't mean to get involved, but if you decide to leave before you finish your schooling you'll always regret it!  
  
Roxanne: I finished my schooling 5 years ago.  
  
Mrs. Camden: I know but that's still no reason to drop out.  
  
Roxanne: Well, because I am an imbecile and am incapable of thinking for myself, I will obey. May I cook dinner?  
  
Mrs. Camden: No I'll take care of that. For now you go up to your room and think about what I said.  
  
Roxanne: But I don't have a room in this house! I don't really live here!  
  
Mrs. Camden: Stop arguing and go.  
  
[Exit Roxanne]  
  
Mrs. Camden: Ahh, what a wonderful person I am. I do wish that people on this should could get engaged, though. We haven't had a wedding episode in at least 3 weeks.  
  
[Exit] 


End file.
